Allah, Satan and the Hadiths

The hadiths give us more insights into Muhammad’s weird ideas about Satan. Below are quotes from the Sahih Bukhari hadith (unless otherwise indicated) and one from Ibn Ishaq’s Sirat Rasulallah (the earliest biography of Muhammad). My comments are below each quote.

I. There is none born among the offspring of Adam, but Satan touches it. A child therefore cries loudly at the time of birth because of the touch of Satan, except Mary and her child (4:641, narrated Saib Al-Musayab).

The world now knows better why babies cry at birth. This proves Muhammad was as inspired as a lichen.

II. Allah’s Apostle said, ‘When the Adhan is pronounced, Satan takes to his heels and passes wind with noise during his flight in order not to hear the Adhan (1:582, Abu Huraira).

The adhan is the Islamic call to prayer in which the muadhan shouts: “Allahu akbar” (a total of 6 times), “I bear witness there is no god except Allah and that Muhammad is the messenger of Allah” (each 2x), “hurry to prayer” (2x) and “hurry to success” (2x). This is what supposedly scares the daylight out of Satan. This was simply a tool of control to pack the mosques.

III. Muhammad said: “If while you are praying someone intends to pass in front of you, prevent him, and should he insist, prevent him again; and if he insists again, fight with him … because such a person is (like) a devil” (4:495, Abu Said Al-Khudri).

I thought Satan rushes off at full speed at the call for “prayer?”

IV. Ibn Umar reported Allah’s Messenger as saying: “When anyone of you intend to eat (meal), he should eat with his right hand, and when he (intends) to drink he should drink with his right hand, for the Satan eats with his left hand and drink with his left hand” (Sahih Muslim 3:5008).

In primitive societies, the left hand was believed to be linked with the devil or an evil deity. Muhammad is relaying the pre modern thinking of his time by implying that anyone using a left hand is of the devil. Even today, many educated Muslims are so mentally imprisoned by this superstition that if you offer them money with a left hand, they won’t accept it. But we now know that using left hand has to do with the brain wiring, not Satan.

V. A person was mentioned before the Prophet and he was told that he had kept on sleeping till morning and had not got up for the prayers. The Prophet said, ‘Satan urinated in his ears (2:245, Narrated ‘Abdullah).

Of course Muhammad was morbidly obsessed with urine and faeces, he only needed to bring Satan into the picture.

VI. Satan puts three knots at the back of the head of any of you if he is asleep. On every knot he reads and exhales the following words, ‘The night is long, so stay asleep.’ When one wakes up and remembers Allah, one knot is undone; and when one performs ablution, the Second knot is undone, and when one prays, the third knot is undone … otherwise one gets up lazy with a mischevious heart (2:243, Abu Huraira).

The tying of knots was a practice attributed to witches and demons in 7th century Arabian culture, but Muhammad used this prevalent belief to reinforce his own rules so that a Muslim who no longer praises him or follows his rituals is deemed to be under the influence of Satan. Atrocious logic at its best.

VII. Yawning is from Satan and if anyone of you yawns, he should check his yawning as much as possible, for if anyone of you (during the act of yawning) should say ‘Ha,’ Satan will laugh at him (4:509, Abu Huraira).

In another place, Muslims are commanded to restrain their yawnings “with the help of [their] hand since it is the Satan that enters therein” (Muslim 41:7131). What about the nose, can’t Satan access it too? Maybe Allah should have lived up to his “all-knowing” title by informing his prophet that yawning is a natural body mechanism through which it receives more oxygen!

VIII. When night falls (or its evening), keep your children close to you for the devils spread out at that time. But when an hour of the night elapses, you can let them free. Close the door and mention the name of Allah for Satan does not open a close door (4:523, Jabir bib Abdullah).

Satan was like a convenient boogeyman Muhammad used to hold Muslims in line. This sort of tactic seems to work well on people whose brains have not developed to maturity. Children (and adults with the brain capacity of children) easily respond to fear. But real adults don’t. Islamic teachings make Muslims regress into a child-like state of mind.

IX. If anyone of you when intending to have a sexual intercourse with his wife says [English translation: ‘In the name of Allah. O Allah protect us from Satan and also protect what you bestow upon us’] and if the couple are destined to have a child (out of that very sexual relation) then Satan will never be able to harm that child (8:75:397).

In essence, Satan watches live porno shows in every Muslim bedroom so as to harm the product of their conjugal act.

X. If anyone of you rouses from sleep and performs the ablution, he should wash his nose by putting water in it and then blowing it out thrice, because Satan has stayed in the upper part of his nose all the night (4:516).

Oh I didn’t know Satan was that minute. So let’s get this straight, the same Satan Muhammad battled with and tied to a mosque is being washed out of the noses of a billion Muslims every morning. How impressive.

XI. Muhammad said: “Whoever wants to see Satan let him take a look at Nabtal b. al-Harith!’ He was a sturdy black man with long flowing hair, inflamed eyes, and dark ruddy cheeks (Ibn Ishaq, Sirat Rasulallah, The Life of Muhammad, p 431).

In other words, the Satan that was much talked about in the Quran and hadiths doesn’t look like an Arab or Asian, he looks exactly like a black man! This is why many Arabs today consider African Muslims to be inferior and “devilish.” And you have African Muslims killing other African Muslims because of the teachings of this Arabian racist – a man who would have spat on their faces were he alive today.

Notice the consistent pattern in the hadiths so far:
a) Satan hangs around Muslims
b) He ties knots on their heads
c) He urinates in their ears
d) He enters their mouths when they yawn
e) He watches their married couples in bed and seeks to tamper with their conception
f) He pays them a home visit every night.
g) He stays in their noses all night long.

Technically, Satan is closer to Muslims than Allah himself. He is in their bathtubs, toilets, food, water and bodies. He even has a permanent residence permit in their “holy land!” Imagine a bunch of people from different countries risking their lives and paying huge amount of money into the Saudi treasury just to stone Satan – a spirit – with pebbles! He is just too strong, he has refused to die all these centuries.

By Islamic law, no “infidel” (Jew, Christians or pagan) is permitted to enter Mecca, but Satan lives there all year round, and receives his blood meal almost annually in different ways – most espcially from excited pilgrims shouting “Stone him or die trying!” Ah, the glory of Islam. Allah finds Satan more tolerable in his “holy land” than Christians and Jews. Many Muslims don’t stop to think about this, but it tells a lot about who they really serve.

The Bible is clear, however, that Satan cannot be defeated by a physical weapon (like stones), Jesus Christ already defeated him 2,000 years ago at Calvary. Christians today have spiritual authority given to them by Christ to enforce Satan’s defeat through spiritual weapons of divine power (Lk. 10:19). God – not Satan – abides with us and lives in us. I won’t trade God’s presence for anything in this world.

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