The Heavenly Playboy Mansion

“What motivates these suicide bombers and jihadists to carry out these acts?” a friend once asked me. In my witty style, I answered, “they want to make it to Allah’s paradise of sex and wine.” Her eyes widened like saucers “What! Are you kidding me?” She was shocked again when her Muslim neighbour proudly confirmed that according to the Quran, a sex heaven awaits all Muslim warriors.

One way to understand a god is to examine his heaven. To know who the Allah of islam is, first look at his heaven. The Quran clearly states that those who fight for islam are entitled to paradise.

“Those who have left their homes…and have fought and were slain – Verily, I will blot out their iniquities and admit them into Gardens with rivers flowing beneath…” (3:195)

“Did you think ye would enter heaven without God testing those of you who fought hard [in his cause]…” (3:142)

Al-Quran describes this heaven as a place with “rivers of milk and rivers of wine…and rivers of honey” (47:15), “fruit and meat” 57:22), “gushing water” (3:15) “clustered plantain” (56:29) “enclosed gardens and grapevines” (78:32) and “fowl meat” (56:21). Now, all these goodies may sound so nice and delightful to some bunch of sun-scorched 7th century Arab desert men, but to a modern man they are pablum banality. These were simply all the stuffs Muhammad’s desert home in Medina lacked. What’s exciting about them today?

In this paradise are also “bashful virgins whom neither man nor jinns will have touched before…virgins as fair as corals and rubies” (Q 55:54-58). These are the “houris” – voluptuous, alluring, “wide-eyed” nymphs (apparently adopted from Persian mythology). These sex dolls are reserved for Muslim warriors.

“Thus (shall it be) and We [Allah] shall wed them with houris pure, beautiful ones” (Q 44:54).

“We created the houris; and We made them ever virgins dear to their spouses, of equal age with them…” (56:35-38).

They are heavenly whores, specially created by Allah. They are “maidens with swelling breasts of like age” (78:33). Ibn Kathir’s commentary says that these “maidens will [have] fully developed breasts…fully rounded and not sagging, because they will be virgins equal in age.”
I think this exposes the human origin of the Quran. Muhammad couldn’t see into the 21st century where there are strip clubs, adult vacation parties, wild stag dos, porn and free sex to cater to man’s baser instincts. He couldn’t see beyond his time. A promise of a heavenly brothel of wide-eyed girls no longer sells. Even Hugh Hefner has this sort of “paradise” right here on earth.

There will also be boy slaves “as fair as virgin pearls” (34:24); boys “graced with eternal youth who to their beholders will seem like sprinkle pearls” (76:19), perhaps, in case the men are bored with women. Note: pederasty was common among 7th century Arabs. A hadith says the lowest a Muslim will get over there is 72 virgins and 80,000 servants (Mishkat al-Masbih, 1204). This is what Muslim jihadists want to die to have.

There is really no stated reward for Muslim women. The men get 72 whores, the women get nothing! Zilch! Nada! Female suicide bombers are going to be in for a rude shock over there! Who knows, maybe Allah will make them into lesbians over there or they will have to share their old husbands with 72 houris, that is if he even has their time. So much for women’s rights in Islam!

The islamic heaven obviously emanated from the mind of a sex pervert. According to Sura 33:50, Allah gave Muhammad alone the right to marry as many women as he wanted (this included his slaves, cousins and any Muslim woman who offers herself to him). What other type of heaven would be convenient for such a man?
Muhammad never experienced the presence of God where there is “fullness of joy” (Ps 16:11). The only joy he knew were the pleasures of sex, wine and food. Islam is not about getting to Heaven to worship an unknowable Allah, rather Allah wants to sit on his throne and watch Muslim men having sex orgies and getting drunk while nodding to the rhythm of their moans. That’s his own joy. What a false deity and a false heaven!

For Christians “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him” (1Cor 2:9). The real heaven is beyond what Muhammad or any man could imagine or describe. The joy there “is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit” (Rom. 14:17).

Jesus Christ plainly stated that “At the resurrection people will neither marry, nor be given in marriage…” (Mt 22:30). Definitely, He was not speaking of the playboy mansion paradise Muhammad imagined for his followers. Its sad to think that suicide bombers and jihadists are going to be in for a very shocking disappointment after death. I pray God open their eyes before its too late.

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